the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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