You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
