walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
