Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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