just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
