your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
