He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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