yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
