there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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