the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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