It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
