did you get engaged???
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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