So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
