My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
