Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
