Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
