sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
