You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
