Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize