dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
