There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
