I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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