I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
