I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
