I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So many bounce houses so little time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
