i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
