I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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