we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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