apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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