got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
