I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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