We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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