If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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