Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
