all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
