is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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