I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
