There is no way he is gay with that hair.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
