If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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