She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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