What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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