your parents love me but you hate me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
