Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
