I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
