I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
