meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
