So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it because I queefed?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize