dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
