Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
