This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
