What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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