i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.