"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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