She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
