Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
