Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
