It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
