I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
