I can't watch pbs sober anymore
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
