she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
