I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
