Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
