I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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