I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
