Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize