i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
