Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently you make a good broom.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
