I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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