Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
