i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
