He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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