i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
