Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
