well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Randomize
