Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
