My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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