should my penis look like a turkey
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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