all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
