I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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