I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
